Lullaby for a Princess
by Soldier1224
Summary: It's getting harder for her to smile. The forced gestures sound too much like a scratched record. Always skipping on the same chorus over and over. It getting hard to keep the ocean in her eyes at bay, keeping in the drips when the others are around. She can't take it anymore. She will guide that razor across her skin one last time, and say goodbye.
1. Chapter 1

The others seem to enjoy insulting me. Telling me I'm useless and slow. Mostly Happy. He gets a good laugh out of my reactions. "C'mon Lucy! You're so slow!" he giggles, floating above Natsu as the team and I are just heading back from a job. He turns back around and I grab my wrists. A slight sting rips at my heart and i'm itching for something sharp.

Gray, Erza, Natsu, Happy and I are walking through hargeon and I keep myself in the back, walking slower than the others. That's why Happy keeps yelling back to me, telling me to 'keep up slow poke.' I know he doesn't mean anything by it, he's just a cat for pete's sake. He's just messing around and I know that, but, I can't help the pain I get in my gut from how much he teases me. I can't help but take some things to heart.

None of them know my secret, they don't know that my skin is sliced and scarred, they don't know that I keep a razor on me everywhere I go. I keep it well hidden in a hole in my boot on my left leg. No one has ever known it's there.

As we walk, Happy keeps laughing and the itch it getting stronger, soon enough I can't take it and I break. "Hey guys, you go on without me, I'm gonna use the restroom really quick." The boys nodded but Erza announced she would be accompanying me, saying we shouldn't break apart.

"NO!-" the redhead looked taken aback, surprise washed over the groups features and i had to correct myself quickly.

"N-nah, i'll be fine on my own. Besides I was wanting to stop by a magic shop and see if they might have any silver keys…" I lied, I didn't want Erza to come with me for obvious reasons.

She gave me an off look and nodded slowly, "O-Oh, alright then, I'll wait for you near the shops." I smiled and went off, almost in a sprint, but knowing I had to keep it under control. I kept my pace to a casual jog so it looked like I was just in a real need to go.

When i finally reached the bathrooms, I jumped into a stall, letting out a shaky breath as I locked the door and sat on the lid of the toilet, i carefully pulled out the hidden piece of silver metal and held it quietly in the palm of my hand.

I couldn't stop the sad smile that formed on my lips as I looked at it's glimmer in the bathroom lights. I lifted the end of my skirt and pressed the razor's sharp edge into the tattered skin of my thigh. I drag the blade across my leg in short, sweet strokes. Watching with numb eyes and I draw with silver, the mark left behind, coming out as a sweet crimson.

I can only get a few slits in before I think hear someone come in through the door. I quickly grab some toilet paper and wipe off the blood from my razor, carefully placing back into my boot before capturing the runaway drips of red that tried to freefall from my skin. Turning the white paper a soft rosy color.

I clean up everything and grab a couple gauze out of my messenger bag that I always keep handy. I tape it down carefully and let my skirt fall back into place as I stand. My legs and breath, both shaky from the roller coaster of emotions during that moment. I quickly check to make sure the white gauze doesn't show through the bottom of the navy blue fabric and open the door to peek through.

I didn't hear anyone in any of the stalls but I was still on edge. As I step through through the puke-green stall, I see no one. I check every stall and they were empty.

"Was it just in my head?" I question, quietly to myself outloud. I quickly wash my hands and get out of there, the empty room giving me the chills.

When I step outside, I see Erza across the way, looking at a weapons booth filled with swords and axes, marveling at the largest ones. The booth keeper look astonished at the mighty titanias incredible strength.

I snuck away with the crowd to be near the magic shop that was down a couple streets. I didn't want any interrogation as to why i wasn't looking at keys.

After a few minutes of sitting around like an idiot, i get up and head toward the weapons booth where I saw Erza. As I get closer she noticed me and gave me one of her smiles. "Find any good keys?"

I shook my head, "they only key they had in there was for the little dog and i already have him." I say, speaking of plue.

She shrugs at me and grabs a huge spear from the booth asking me if she should add it to her collection. I tell her she already has lots of great weapons and armour in her possession already and that she really didn't have much room. She agreed with me and we both headed back towards Natsu and Gray.

"Heyo! Took you guys long enough." Natsu greeted us with his signature smile and i found myself blushing. I couldn't help the spark the lit in my underbelly when he smiled at me.

I will admit, i started to fall for Natsu a while back and i have had strong feelings for him ever since but it kills me knowing he has it for Lisanna. Those two are childhood friends and he is always around her when we are at the guild. Always laughing, and smiling with his arm around her shoulders. It hurts.

"Hey Luce," my thoughts were interrupted by his voice, "did you get cut?" My heart stills at his comment, is my bandage showing? Did I not cover one? How could I so stupid! I try to keep a calm look as I answer. "I don't think so. Why do you ask?" I let my hands fall to my thighs, trying to be subtle as I hide the patches .He sniffs the air around me with his brows drawn in.

"I smell blood. Your blood. Are you sure you're not bleeding somewhere?" His onyx eyes look at me filled with concern, as he takes a long drag on air. "It's coming from down here." his head moves lower and closer to my skirt, right next to my thighs.

My heart is pounding and I feel his eyes glaring past my clothes. In a quick moment, i come up with my excuse. "Natsu, I'm on my 'girl time'. I'm fine. Now please back up. You're invading my bubble."

I watch as his face contorts for a quick moment before it clicks in his simple mind. "Ooohh! U-uh, sorry Luce. I'll meet you back with the others." he takes off in a jog and I let out the breath that I had been holding since he came up to me. ' _Thank Kami that's over..'_ I think to myself before making my way back to the others. Our group continuing towards Magnolia and our home. _Their_ home. I don't have a home. I don't have a place in where I can be accepted or truly loved. I know that the guild members don't even remember that i'm there. They are just to engrossed in their own business or fawning over Natsu and Lisanna.

I've always known the guild would forget about me one day, and I was right. The day that Lisanna came home, was the day that I became a memory. Barely a thought in the minds of the others. I guess I have come to accept it now.

To be honest, it surprises me when Natsu asks me to come on missions with the team. Most times he goes with Lisanna and the others. It's kinda Rare when he has me come along, but when he does happy decides to make fun of me. Like how i'm useless or slow, Fat even. That's his favorite one. "Lucy, you're so fat, I can't carry you." I've heard him say that more than I've heard him offer fish to Charla.

The Days get longer, and harder to bear. I'm running out of room on my skin. I don't know how much longer I can take of this. All this time, all the insults I've bared and blows I've taken, I'm only doing this for two reasons. I'm doing this for the man i love more than anything in this world, the one who has taken hits for me and dealt with me on long missions. Who can light up any room with just his smile, his lopsided, fang filled, goofy grin that can shine brighter than a thousand suns.

I've kept going for the pink-headed maniac that I've come to love so much, I can tell you I'm still here because of him and how much I hope. How much I pray that he will love me too, even though I know it won't happen because he has his sights set on Lisanna. I can still dream right? I can still wish for the dragon slayer who saved my life to love me back, can't I?

But...I don't know if i can keep going. I'm falling farther and farther from the light and i can't breath and I'm itching for a blade. This is going to be my goodbye. Ive lived a full life but it's gone on long enough. My heart can't take another smile from him. My skin can't take anymore cuts, and my lungs can't take another breath. So, Natsu, this is where it ends. I Love you.

-Lucy Heartfilia.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok,so i realized something. i didn't include one of the most important parts in this story that takes place in chapter 2 (this chapter) so i have made changes and it should be fixed. i hope you enjoy**

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Dark shadows cradled his chiseled frame as he crept stealthily through the silent room. His sandal covered feet tiptoed lightly across the hardwood floors. He watched carefully at the bathroom door, a soft glow of light escaping through the bottom. The shadow of a certain blonde maiden traveling back and forth in the closed space

A sly smile formed on his lips as his plan was coming into action. A few pink hairs fell out of place, tickling annoyingly at his forehead before he silently pushed them back, continuing on his path

As the man stalked through the small room, he paid little attention to the furniture and how it was placed neatly around the small area. He had been here so many times the thought barely crossed his mind.

But, in his cocky knowing of the room, he failed to see a misplaced desk, crashing into it's wooden build, a loud ruckus ringing through his ears. Cringing, he stopped, holding his breath in hopes the maiden hadn't heard the crash made by his stupidity.

The pink haired intruder let out a breath as the only stir that came from the blonde mage was a slight pause in her movements before moving again. He took another step but halted when a flash of white caught his eye. He looked down to see it was an envelope, one with his name written neatly on it's front. Natsu. Curiosity crept over him as he stared at the swirled letters.

He slid the white paper in his vest pocket, debating with himself on whether to continue his plan on his unsuspecting partner or exit and read the letter addressed with his name.

Finally he decided to read this interesting sheet of tattered ivory. Slipping out into the night, unnoticed by others. Weaving in between alleyways and hoping over forgotten, garbaged crates and barrels

In the home of the celestial mage, the box of letters that she addressed to her mother, were scattered along the worn, wooden floors. One letter that stood out from the rest is the letter tucked away safely in the vest of Natsu Dragneel who sprinted home in a hurry, eager to read the thoughts of the beautiful blonde girl pacing eagerly in the locked bathroom, heartbroken with wrists and thighs scarred for good.

~Natu's cottage~

'Alright, let's see what Lucy has for me' they slayer thought to himself. He pulled the letter out of his vest pocket and opened up the neatly sealed paper, opening it with a slight shake of anticipation. It looked to be some sort of diary entry.

His onyx eyes read carefully of the small, neat, cursive words, lucy's hand writing had always been his favorite. He just couldn't help but enjoy the way it looked. It just looked like her.

He read farther in the page, the memory of the day she is talking about replaying in his head, a slight horror flowing in his heart the farther his eyes traveld

" I lifted the end of my skirt and pressed the razor's sharp edge into the tattered skin of my thigh. I drag the blade across my leg in short, sweet strokes. Watching with numb eyes and I draw with silver, the mark left behind, coming out as a sweet crimson."

"Lucy…" Natsu felt a tear slip down his cheek as her words swarmed like wasps in his head. Flashing images of her with razors burned in his sight, all he could see, all he could smell was her blood.

He had seen her do it before, cut up her skin. He was peeking through her bathroom door when he saw her sitting on the lid of the toilet, looking down at her exposed legs. He didn't understand what she was doing at the time for he hadn't seen the razor or the tears, he wasn't sure what she was doing but he decided to leave her to her own devices and left at that. Now he knew.

The single tear now followed by a river of sorrow. He couldn't stop the sob that fell from his lips as he read her words farther,

"Who can light up any room with just his smile, his lopsided, fang filled, goofy grin that can shine brighter than a thousand suns. I've kept going for the pink-headed maniac that I've come to love so much..."

"Lucy, I-I love you. I always have!" his chest was concaving on itself and his eyes couldn't see anything but red. The smell of her blood locked in his head.

Natsu almost could keep reading but he made himself finish the last few words. Pushing himself to finish her words to him.

"My skin can't take anymore cuts, and my lungs can't take another breath. So, Natsu, this is where it ends. I Love you.

-Lucy Heartfilia."

"Lucy….no." the letter was thrown to the the floor, the cottage door was thrown open, the pink haired dragon slayer sprinted through the dim streets of Magnolia, racing to save the life of his beloved Lucy.

He barreled through stray items in the road, pounding feet on the cobblestone paths, racing towards the brick apartment which held the only girl Natsu had come to love.

As he came closer to the tall building, he broke through the wooden door, a flew up the stairs, crashing through Lucy's bedroom door, he stopped at the bathroom pounding on it with his fists.

"Lucy! Open the door!" he wiggled the handle, but it was locked. He slammed his body against the wooden barrier, cracking it with each hit.

"Lucy Please! Open up!" he pushed harder, tears streaming down his face, pounding into the bathroom door, with one final hit, the wood finally gave way, splintering around the lock and scattering across the tiled floor.

The moment he broke through, he stopped dead in his tracks. Onyx eyes stared horrified at the blonde beauty hanging lifelessly by a rope wrapped tightly around her fragile neck. The frayed fibers biting hungrily into her pale skin, turning it a deep purple, even so much as to break a few layers of skin while little drops of blood stuck to the rope.

The moment Natsu laid eyes on the girl, it was like his breath had been violently ripped from his lungs. His heart seemed to have been crushed inside of his ribs. The love of his life was just, hanging there,

In a quick instant, Natsu rushed to her side, lifting her up and out of the gnawing grasp of the frayed rope.

Holding her close, he rushed out of the room, nearly toppling over the stairs as he flew out the damaged door, off to the nearest hospital, racing to save her life.

~Hospital~

Loud voices, creaky wheels, shrinking figures in the distance, bright lights, ugly walls. My shaky hands and lack of breath. I couldn't feel my face, soaked with tears, i couldn't see anything besides her damaged body, holding onto life by just a single hair.

'Please hurry, she doesn't have much time' I couldn't get the words to come out. They felt like glue in my throat, catching my voice in it's sticky hold along with the breath wanting to escape my lungs.

I watched them wheel her away into the emergency room, and i'm hoping with all my heart she will come out alive. I don't think i would be able to live without her.

"...I know he has it for Lisanna..." The words from her letter had me shaking. I don't have anything for Lisanna! Her and I are just childhood friends. I swear Lucy, I love you and only you. I'm here for you in this hideous place. Please stay strong for me if I stay strong for you.

I can't sit down, I'm pacing back and forth, i might as well have burned a groove in the ugly carpet. I don't know if will be able to do this alone. I need to message Gray.

I make a bee-line up to the front counter, "I need to send a very important message, could you get me a messenger bird please?" The lady nodded and walked behind double doors that slowly swung back and forth from the forced entry of the Brunette nurse at the counter.

I stood there for what seemed like hours when she came back with a small, blue feathered bird flapping cheerfuly at her side. A slip of paper attached neatly to it's harness, "What would you like me to send? Where would you like me to send it?"

I took the small piece of paper and wrote out "Gray, come to the hospital now! Please I can't be here alone. i'm in the front lobby of wing one. Hurry." please send this to Gray Fullbuster. He lives in the apartment building just down the path from the back woods.

The small creature gave a tiny nod before taking, off faster than a bullet. It only took 20 minutes for the ice freak to get hear which kinda surprised me. I could see his eyes were frantic and confused as his head swiveled in a search. Probably for me.

"Gray, over here." i waved my arm in the air, gaining his attention along with a few other strangers. As he came up to me i could hear his pumping heart and hard breathing, he must have ran. "What happened? Why are we here?" he asked me a lot of questions but i wasn't listening. I was focused on Lucy.

"Lucy." That's all i could get out without bursting into tears again. I had to swallow hard to get the rock in my throat to go back down. I wanted to vomit.

"What….what happened." Gray asked softly. I guess he knew i was upset because i felt his hand on my back in the next few moments.

(Even though him and i hate each other, i do consider him one of my closest friends./Blech, that's doesn't taste good coming off the tongue.)

"..." i couldn't get any of my words out. They all seemed to be caught under that rock that i can't get down. I'm glad he didn't push me any farther or i probably would have cried. I don't want to do that here, not in front of Gray.

"I'll let you tell me about Lucy later, but how long have you been here?" i turned to look at him. One of his thick dark brows was raised with question. I sighed and sat down, my legs were beginning to feel like jelly.

"Just over an hour or so. I'm not sure exactly. I just know it feels like forever." Gray say down beside me and folded his arms together. 'I'm surprised he hasn't gotten naked yet if we're being honest here.'

~time skip~

Gray and i have been sitting here for almost 3 and a half hours. (although it's been over 4 hours for me) I can't stay in one spot for more than a minute. I'm up and down and back and forth.

Finally, a doctor came up to us with a clipboard in his hands. "Mr. Dragneel?" i popped up, walking over to him in a hurry. "Yes..? how is she? Is she okay?-" i stopped my interrogation when the dark haired man out his hand up.

" is fine. She is stable. Thanks to you she made it out alive. Had it been another minute, she would have been gone for sure. She is still under the anesthesia but she should be waking up soon. Her room is open so I'll have my nurse show you the way."

After that he turned away and began talking to a blonde woman. She nodded and came over to Gray and i and motioned us to follow. We walked through the illuminated hallways, every so often i could see the feet of a sick patient. Each and every person has their own story. 'How many of them are hear for the same reason as Lucy…?' the thought made me shiver as we treaded on.

After a flight of stairs, we finally made it to her room. I stopped in the doorway, i couldn't get my legs to go further. "C'mon Natsu. It's gonna be okay." Gray spoke behind me with his hand on my shoulder. Before i could make the decision to step inside, i felt him shove me. I stumbled before catching myself just in front of the curtain that blocked the view of pass-byers who peeked in trying to see the residents.

Finally, i walked past the curtain and stopped when i saw her. Her head rested peacefully on the pillow and her eyes were closed. they were dark and bruised. As i peered down her face, my eyes ventured lower, bursting into tears as i saw the brace on her neck, covering the scar that the rope had left behind. I watched as her brown orbs poked out from behind her lids, looking straight at me. Her lips began to move. "Natsu." but nothing came out.

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 **welll, what did you think? why cant Lucy talk? will she ever talk again? stay tuned, ill be updating every other week. i have been on a long hiatus and I'm finally back!**

 **alright, byyyeeee**


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